Jashan Takhar Personal Essay 3
Self Control
Ideally, we all want to live as candidly as possible. Do the right thing, refrain from distractions, get an assignment done promptly, reach places on time. For some people, that's normal.
For me, obviously, that's not what really happens. What really happens is that I'm interrupted several times when I go about doing these things. By what, you may or may not ask? Myself. More specifically, a part of my brain. My brain overrides my actions with a new set of commands, which, at the given moment, seem more fun and more rewarding. For example, if I am about to read a book, I will instead, completely by accident, tell myself to surf the Internet. Also on accident, I happily oblige to this command. This idea carries over to my self control, or the lack thereof.
As much as I want to improve my self-control, my brain tells me that it's simply not worth it to be shackled to the importance of this area when it's so much easier to waste time and eventually feel guilty about myself. This all sounds like a big excuse to cover up why I make no effort to actually improve. Truthfully, it just might be. I need to make it look like a good one, though.
Self control is one of the only weapons that can combat these commands. However, for me, my self control faces the same problems. The reason being, it draws on a limited quantity of willpower. Some people have enough willpower to get beat through enough distractions to get them through the entire day. If there was a 1-10 scale to measure the amount of willpower in someone, I'd be sitting at a lukewarm 2.5, which is about enough willpower to not stare out of the window through the entirety of one class.
It wasn’t always this bad, or at least I think. More accurately, my sense of self control has fluctuated between different things throughout the years. As a baby, I had the self control of keeping myself from eating peas, but not from crying loudly for no reason. kindergartener, I always managed to only take my fair share during snack time, but was never able to beat down the urge of making a random sound or screech whenever someone talked to me about anything. In fourth grade, I could muster not speaking up about when someone cheated off of me and took the credit, but had to always say something completely unrelated during a class reading discussion. In seventh grade, I kept self-control over replying to people who said something bad to me, but could never resist talking during class.
Throughout the years, my needs of self-control have changed. Now, I struggle with things like procrastination, but what am I holding self control over? I have the worst self-control now, right? Writing this, I realize that everything that I gave into throughout the years are not a big deal to keep self-control from now. All that happens is that your needs of self-control change.
I like that this isn't a cliche "I struggle with procrastination" essay. You start out with a general explanation of how you experience procrastination, but then you add a unique element by explaining how your self control has affected you differently throughout your life. My favorite quote is when you say "it's so much easier to waste time and eventually feel guilty about myself." I also like your conclusion and the idea that things that used to take a lot of self control (like not blurting out in class or eating my vegetables) no longer do.
ReplyDeleteThe overall flow of the essay is very nice. I liked the take you took on this prompt. I think it's interesting how you pick apart the reason behind your procrastination. I also enjoyed the way you phrase sentences and your descriptions -- for example, I liked the ending bits of the second and the third paragraphs. I also enjoyed reading the conclusion you eventually came to. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI totally feel what you're saying, especially with the first few paragraphs. I think we all go through those times when we cave in and forgo self-control entirely, even in times when it's most needed. You did a great job with the self-critique/reflection aspect of your essay, and I thought it was really relatable and funny as well. Good post!
ReplyDeleteThe flow of narration and reflection was incredibly well done in this essay! The way you transitioned between stories and what you thought about them felt completely natural. I also have to give you credit for putting all of it out there. Even with all the ironic self-deprecation that's trendy nowadays, I still have problems being completely genuine and critical of myself in essays, but you handled it nicely.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your essay and the way you balanced your narration and reflection. I like how you took procrastination as a topic and related it to other things within your elementary school life, like raising your hand or blurting. Good essay.
ReplyDelete